May Couples Tip – Why you may not understand each other
Why you may not understand each other
We all view the world, other people and ourselves through a template.
Your template is shaped by your age, gender, culture, health, previous experiences and so on. It determines the way you see and understand the world around you. It sets the stage for how you interpret what other people, including your spouse, say.
Simple communication test for couples
Each write down the first five words that come to mind when you think about the following:
- love
- closeness
- intimacy
- fairness
- happiness
Did you both write down the same words?
If you wrote down different words, your internal representations of the initial word itself are different. No wonder you sometimes misunderstand each other!
Improving your chances of a sparkling conversation
To stand any chance at all of having a truly meaningful conversation, you’ll need to be sure you treat your partner or spouse with respect.
Remember, therefore to avoid at all costs:
- judging
- jumping to conclusions
- making assumptions
- making critical comments about the person (instead, talk about the behaviours you have a problem with)
- manipulating your spouse or partner (see:
- wanting to win an argument.
Learning to communicate in a healthy way takes slowing down, carefully listening and making space for another point of view.
edited and adapted from Professionalcounseling.com
