Couples CounselingCreate a Mutual Admiration Society

Create a Mutual Admiration Society

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Create a Mutual Admiration Society

We’ve all heard the phrase “the honeymoon is over”, meaning that the relationship has settled into something of a routine.  When that happens, couples can begin to feel that they’ve lost connection with each other. Remembering what we fell in love with in the first place can change that. In just a few minutes, you can form a Mutual Admiration Society with your partner.

Here are easy steps & ideas for creating a mutual admiration society in your partnership

  • Share fondness
  • Share appreciation
  • Create shared meaning

In this video, Murray & Allie explain the importance of the mutual admiration society.

Create Your Mutual Admiration Society

The Sound Relationship House is a practical approach to help couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection, and intimacy in their relationships.

WHAT CAN YOU DO NOW TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK?

Build Love Maps

• Maintain awareness of your partner’s world

Share Fondness and Admiration

• Make deposits into the Emotional Bank Account

Turn Towards Instead of Away

• Accept bids for emotional connection

The Positive Perspective

• Positive perspective occurs when the friendship of your marriage is strong

Manage Conflict

  • Accept influence from your partner: be open to compromise

  • Discuss your problems: take turns listening to one another about perpetual issues

  • Practice self-soothing: keep yourself calm

Make Life Dreams Come True

  • Find ways to support each other’s life goals and dreams

Create Shared Meaning

  • Build a shared sense of purpose. What is your mission and legacy?

 

WHAT ABOUT TRUST AND COMMITMENT?

Five ways to build trust, love, and loyalty in your relationship:

  1. Make trustworthiness a main priority in your relationship
  2. Act to maximize your partner’s well-being
  3. Know that trust is built in small positive moments
  4. Avoid negative comparisons
  5. Generate frequent thoughts and acts that cherish your partner’s positive qualities and minimize your focus on their negative faults

Share Fondness

Think about your partner and complete these sentences.

  • I am proud of the way you…
  • I am attracted to your …. (inside & out!)
  • I am impressed that you ….
  • I like how you ….

Share these thoughts with your partner over the next week.

Share Appreciation

Here’s a brief list of positive adjectives. Choose three that describe your partner.

Loving
Strong
Tender
Creative
Decisive
Interesting
Dependable
Practical

Graceful
Committed
Powerful
Adventurous
Kind
Resourceful
Exciting
Funny

Thrifty
Relaxed
Sexy
Sensitive
Reserved
Protective
Vulnerable
Affectionate

Think of a recent circumstance where your partner demonstrated that quality, and share it with them.

Create Shared Meaning

Now, look at the three qualities you chose, and the three qualities your partner selected. What made you choose them? Why are they important to you?

As you define why these qualities matter to you, you’re sharing your core values with your partner. You’ll be on your way to creating shared meaning in your relationship, and that’s the goal of relationships built on commitment and trust.

Adapted from The Gottman Method, developed by John Gottman, Ph.D. and Julie Gottman, Ph.D. and used with permission.