August Perk – A Peek At One of The Couples College Course Exercises
In this Couples Perk, check out one of the exercises that we share as part of our Couples College Course curriculum. Along with teaching couples essential skills and the mindset for healthy and happy relating, we encourage partners to investigate crucial topics. One topic is an exploration of your attitude and your partner’s attitude toward emotion. The Gottman’s have found that when couples have what they call a meta-emotion mismatch, they will struggle in their relationship.
How we show up for our own and our partner’s emotional expression can either create more intimacy or distance. This take-home exercise from The Couples College invites you to examine your History and Philosophy or Emotion:
We all grow up with varied experiences having to do with the expression of emotions. As partners, that experience can be quite varied and different. In this exercise, consider your relationship with some of these key emotional experiences, and give thought to what that looked like in your family of origin, as well as how that is shared or expressed today. This exercise is to be done individually as a self-reflection, and then when completed, to be discussed with your partner during our next meeting:
- Anger
What is the history of your experience with the emotion of anger? Could you tell if your parents were angry? What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you were angry? How did they react to your anger? What was anger like with your family growing up? - Sadness
What is the history of your experience with the emotion of sadness? Could you tell if your parents were sad? What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you were sad? How did they react to your sadness? What was sadness like with your family growing up? - Fear
What is the history of your experience with the emotion of fear? How did your family respond when you felt insecure? Could you tell if your parents were afraid? What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you were afraid or worried? How did they react to your fears? How did you deal with one another’s worries and fear in this partnership? What was fear and worry like growing up in your family? - Love
What is the history of the emotion of love? How did your parents show you they loved you? Was your family very affectionate growing up? What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you needed affection? How did they react to your need for affection and love? How do you show each other that you love one another in this relationship? What was love like in your family growing up? - Pride
What is your history with your experience with the emotion of pride? How did your parents show that they were proud of you? Could you tell if your parents were proud of your accomplishments? What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you wanted them to be proud of you? How did they react to your achievements and triumphs? How does your partner express pride in you? Do you express pride in your partner? What was pride like in your family growing up? - Your Philosophy About Expressing Negative Emotion
What is your philosophy about expressing emotion? What was it like in your family growing up in the expression of emotion? Are there differences between you and your spouse in the expression and experience of emotion? What role do these differences play in your relationship?
Adapted from Drs. Julie and John Gottman. Licensed by The Gottman Institute
Curious to know more, join us at The Couples College Course beginning September 8, 2021
